Emma Kate & Co.

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Friday, 6 July 2018

6 Things I Learned from 'Judgement Detox'

Gabrielle Bernstein's newest book, Judgement Detox, does just what it says on the tin. It highlights the negative effects of judgement and suggests a six step system you can implement to become a more accepting and compassionate person. After reading books like these, I find it really beneficial to compile a list of the main points I learned. Not only could this be helpful for other people and provide information in a more manageable chunk, it's also super beneficial for me. It allows me to look back over the whole book, from beginning to end and really evaluate what I found most valuable. This practice provides me with a list of key points that can be easily referred to in future. I'd highly recommend keeping a little notebook for standout points from each book you read. It makes it so easy to flick back and give yourself a reminder of what you should be aiming to implement.

1 // Making People Special Is Dangerous 

'Special implies that someone is better than you because they have more - earn more money or are more attractive or accomplished or famous'. A lot of the time we assume that we judge people as inferior to us in some way, but this isn't always the case. Sometimes, we do the opposite, judging others as more important that we are. Making people special inevitably means that we can compare. It makes us feel like we're not good enough. When we think of somebody else as special, we give their opinions more weight than our own. This means we can easily become obsessed with how they judge us and consequently put our happiness in their hands.

2 // Judgement Stops Us From Growing

'Our popular culture and media place enormous value on social status, looks, racial and religious separation, and material wealth. We are made to feel less than, separate, and not good enough, so we use judgement to insulate ourselves from the pain of feeling inadequate, insecure, or unworthy. It's easier to make fun of, write off, or judge someone for a perceived weakness of their than it is to examine our own sense of lack.'

Rather than waste our time talking about others, we should consider why we feel the need to judge them. What is it about them that makes us feel inferior? It makes much more sense to focus on why we feel so affected by other people and their actions, because this is something that we can actually change.

3 // Acceptance is Key 

When someone or something really gets under your skin, it can feel difficult to let it go. Instead we run off to a friend to have an hour long rant. I don't know about you, but this plan of action rarely actually makes me feel any better. In fact, it usually gets me even more riled up about things. After banging on about it, I'm convinced that I'm in the right and that the other person deserves a drink to the face and a slap on the wrist. Sometimes I'd be better off asking myself, 'would I rather be right or happy?'. Accepting things as they are and moving on is so much better for my own wellbeing. When I stress out about it, the only person who loses out is me. If we didn't accept things as they are, we'd spend most of our time and upset that people weren't exactly as we wished they were. If we let others' inadequacies affects us, we put our happiness in their hands.

4 // You Can Choose Again

Gabby highlights that we'll never be able to get rid of judgement altogether but that once we notice it, we can decide to choose again. This is such a freeing feeling. Nothing is set in stone and we can always change our mind. I've been making an effort, when I notice that I'm being judgemental, to 'choose again' - to be more accepting of the situation and choose to come from a place of compassion.

5 // You Can't Change People

'When you try to change someone, you're effectively saying that you know what is best for them. Your unsolicited "help" is a way of controlling and judging them.'

Gabby points out how important it is not to try to change others. In trying to fix someone, we deprive them of the opportunity to grow. I often notice this when people first go vegan. They push the people around them to change, usually because they feel so shocked and passionate about what they've just learned themselves. However, things tend to stick better when the individual makes their own decision. By all means, be supportive and encouraging but don't forget to let people change at their own peace. We all have to learn lessons for ourselves, in order for them to have any lasting effect.

6 // You'll Find What You Focus On 

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. When we find someone annoying, it can be easy to ignore their positive attributes and write them off altogether, pretending that they are 100% unbearable. I'm sure you know what I mean. The person that incites hatred just from their existence *ahem, Megan from Love Island, ahem*. When we decide we don't like someone, the likelihood of that changing is incredibly small. Instead we just become angry and judgemental whenever we see them. When we focus on the negative things, we'll always find them. Making an effort to find the positive in dislikable people makes it easier to deal with them. We become less obsessed over all of the things we hate and interactions with them become much more pleasant.



  1. Can I just say how much I'm loving your blog, Emma? xxx

  2. This is really interesting. I'm trying to read more at the moment, so will definitely look into this. Such a good idea to write down what you learn too! xx

    Jessie | allthingsbeautiful-x

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